AWESOME EMAIL:

On Jan 18, 2004, at 2:12 AM, gomark walus wrote:

Dearest One,

I hope this letter will not come to you as a suprise hence it is coming from  sombody you have not met before,nevetheless I belive that it is only time and sincerity that determins every human relations. I am Dominic Chuma the only son of late Mr and Mrs Pascal Chuma. My father  was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan, the economic capital of Ivory Coast
before he was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outing to discuss on a business deal.

When  my mother died on the 21st October 1984, my father took me and my junior sister special because we are motherless. Before the death of my father on 30th June 2001 in a private hospital here in Abidjan. He secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has a sum of $ 12.500.000 (Twelve Million, five hundred thousand dollars) left in a consignment deposited with a security company here in Abidjan, but he said that it is because of his business associates that he instructed the director of the security company to transfer the consignment from there company here to their correspondence company in Amsterdam Holland, that he used my name as his first son for the next of kin in deposit of the fund. He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth  and some huge amount of money his business associates supposed to balance him  from the deal they had that he was poisoned by his business associates, that I should seek for a God fearing foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for  investment purpose, (such as real estate management).

Sir, we are honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways.
1) To help me go to Amsterdam to claim the consignment and from there send some money to us to use it pay our tickets and other travelling documents to meet with you in your country.
2) To serve as the guardian of this since I am a boy of 23 years.

Moreover Sir, we are willing to offer you 10% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your  designate account overseas.

Anticipating to hear from you soonest.
Thanks and God bless you
Dominic Chuma

E*Rock wrote:
Dear Oneness,

By the grace of God this is a blessing amongst each our own that we might be betrothed with such a good fortune as to hear from you so readily at this point in time and measure. You will be in my prayers, and in any other way which I might help.

Godpeed you mightly,
Mr. Rock

My dear Rock,
 
I was very happy to hear from you this morning with your prayer and intention to assist me.
 
I pray Almighty God who link us to be with us and protect us from theevil one and guide us with truth and trust in all that we do that is not evil.
 
Sir for security reasons my late daddy deposited the consignment as family valuables and certificate of deposite was issued to him the fund was lifted by diplomatic meance to the affliated company in Holland due to the political unrest here in our country.
 
All I need from you is to assist me with the diplomatic charges and the demurradges the box incured in the security company's custody in Holland and transfer the fund to a safe place for investment.
 
The cost should be about 9000 to 10000euro. I will send to you the certificate of deposit issued to my late father when he lodged the consignment.And the contact of the Amsterdan company.

I need the photocopy of the first and second pages of your international passport or driving liscence, tell and fax number. I will use it for signatory authentification in getting power of attorney  here in the high court in your name which will authorize you to claim the consignment in Amsterdan.
 
I will also like to have your picture to know whom I am dealing with. I will scan one of me and send to you in my next mail to you .
 
God bless you as I awaite you godly decision ,
 
Your's in Christ,
Domp.   

Dear Domp Gowark Walrus,

Godly praise the almighty servant of our Lord on High.

I think I was meant to happen, as I am currently stationed in amonastery just outside of Amsterdam, so I am very familiar with thearea. If you would like to just come down here to meet me it could make out task at hand much easier as we could approach the affiliated company to authorize you to claim the consignment as mentioned together. Let me know how that plan of action sounds to you as an answer to your predicament.

God bless us all and my the power of the Lord follow you into the shadows of the valley.

Yours in God,
Reverand Roc

On Jan 21, 2004, at 2:12 AM, gomark walus wrote:

May God's name be praised.
 
My dear I got your mail this morning with thanks and the contents well understood.
 
Please Sir, I cannot come down to Amsterdam due to the fact that I have'nt got any fiscal cash with me and the visa issue,moreover the money to pay there to claim the consignment.
 
Thats why I am looking for one to assist me with the percentage I offered due to the time factor and money involved to get the consignment out.
 
Honestly speaking I count on you more as a godly to assist me with the whole truth whatever. Now you have mentioned monastary . Are you a monk or working there??????????,.God is great to get someone like you to assist me. I have the whole trust in the wolrd on you knowing quite well you can definitely assist me which will later be to the glory of God.
 
Please just send to me what I demanded , you don't need much to spend since you are there already so that I can get the power of attorney from the law court here for you to go to Amsterdam and retrieve my fund and finance my coming over there.
 
With you I believe I can fullfil my calling here on earth before going to be with our Lord Jesus Christ.
 
Wating for you reply.
Your's in Christ,
Dom.

E*Rock wrote:

Hello Domi,
That's okay that you won't be able to make it down to Amsterdamn. I can't really have any guests at the moment here at the monastery. I am not a monk here, but one of the Lord's servants a Reverand and "janitor to Christ", keeping the monastery clean for all of God's children. I can send to you my passport and license information, but you haven not
given me an address in which to mail it. ??? Also, we do not have a fax machine at the monastery. In fact I have to use the computer a few miles away at the internet cafe of our Lady of Guadalupe.

Blessed be in Christ's name almighty,
Reverand Rock

My dear Erock,
 
My Lord's name be praised. I got your mail with thanks and gratitude to God through whom all things are possible.
 
The content of your mail is quite understood. Please kindly try all your possible best to see that you send the Passport photocopy or the driving liscence to get the power of attorney to enable you go to Amsterdam and claim my consignment for me.
 
You can photocopy it and fax to me with this number +225 213411 34 make sure your name appares on it. Or you can scan it and send it via computer.
 
My address is  Ave. 21 rue 6 trech vill but the postal system dosn't work fine here like develop world.
 
My phone number is +22507396100 you can call me on phone in case of anythign.
 
What re'mains now is your particulars to get the documnts ready.
 
Bless you my friend.
 
Yours in Christ ,
 
Dom.
 
N.b) I was born a Catholic and I am a full born again.Jesus the Lord of my life. And you are you a catholic priest?????????????.

On Jan 28, 2004, at 1:19 AM, gomark walus wrote:
My dear Rev. Erock,
 
My Lord's name be praised!
 
I hope all is well with you or are you occupied with our Lord's work??????.
 
If so grace and peace from God be with you and strenghtens you in all your good works  Amen.
 
My dear I have not hear from for quite few days now.
 
I will like to know if you receive my picture and the certificate I sent to you.
 
Blees you as I waites for your documents to get the power of attorney you will use in going to Amsterdan.
 
Your's in Christ,
Dom.

Dear DomKnots,
Many Lords to praise thee!
All is well here under God's great sky. I don't have access to a fax machine or scanner or waffle maker, so I will send copies of all documents to your mailing address as provided unto me with the best of blessings. Please let me know when they arrive. It has been very busy here at the chapel with so much of God's work to do, but is it not he greatest work a man can do? Perhaps, I say so, yes.
I did receive your documentations and photo. Thank you for sending those.
Much love and praises,
Rev. Rock

My brother in Christ,
 
I was happy for your mail this morning and give thanks God who streghtens you to do His work.
 
Please I told you that the address is not functioning well.I beleive fax could be the eassiest way . But if by no means possible exercise a little patient I will go and look for a post office box and send you the number so that you will send it through post direct to the box I will open.
 
I will write you tomorrow to give you the post box number.
 
Bless you as you fight the good war of faith.
 
Your's in Christ,
Dom

May our Lord's name be raised.
 
I hope you are doing fine with our Lord's work. I wish you the best .
Please this is the address you will use in sending it. DOMINIC CHUMA
 
BP 4270 ABIDJAN 01.
 
You can call me on phone please  +225 07 39 61 00. Waiting for your reply and the particulars you will send.
 
May the grace and peace from God be with you always. Amen.
 
Your's in Christ ,
Dom.

Hi Dom,

You must being making some jest. My email say "erock", but it is short for my full name Reverand Ernesto Rock. I have sent to you the documents tomorrow today to the PO box that you have listed. Godspeed those documents that you may fulfill your calling on God's great earth and restore peace.

God Bless and good night,
Rev. Rock

My dear Rev.Ernesto Rock,
 
I count it all joy in hearing from you .May grace and peace from God be with you as you do the just work of our Lord.
 
I am very happy to hear that you have sent the particulars.Glory be to God for willing and doing his plessure in our life.
 
I will notofy you as soon as I receive it by next week and forward your papers after two days when I might have finish with the Ministry of justiced here to go to Amsterdan .
 
Keep on fighting the good fight of faith in our Lord's name and remember me in your pray for God's mercy.
 
Your's in Christ,
Dom.

ACTUAL RANDOM EMAIL:

Hey what's up?? I'm a serious player and I was hoping you still had some room in your league.I'll take whatever team you got left preferably the jets, cardinals, chargers, or bengals. In that order you know what I mean. Please email me either way to let me know if I'm in or out. My screen name is Booberlino, I'm in the central region. My real name is Brian Thomas. Squeeze me in man it's cold on the outside playin' all those quitters!! Until I hear from you love, peace, and hair grease!!!!

hi booberlino,
your name precedes you, i hear you're a real player. we'd "love" to have you on the league, unfortunately our protocol will only allow names of six characters in length, so i've taken the liberty of shortening your screen name to "boober". also, those teams are taken. the only remaining teams are: "the bolts", "the dinks", "the poodles", "the rechargers", "the gene hackmans", and "the pussy willows". we're in the arctic region. oh yeah, send your "jersey size". we normally "practice" on "sunday" afternoons. the league's looking to be pretty "sweet" this season.
peace out dude!!!

Hey thanks for letting me join man. You got me a little confused with the names of the teams and the jersey size deal. But anyway man , email me of what I'm supposed to do about getting started or whatever. I'll be checking my email throughout the day . Until game time love, peace, and hair grease!!!

dear boober,
what's your handicapp? mine's my smell. naw, just kidding. it's my lack of legs. since you chose not to specify a team "name", i've made you "sweeper" for the chicago "shams". if you want to change positions, you'll have to speak with the big man, "the coach". i should tell you about the ground rules:
no "benchwarmers"
no "nose" holds
no "bed" setting
the grid is always "locked"
keep your "jones" in your "locker"
the game ends when the clock hits zero. period.
peace out, sport-o and keep your chin up!
p.s. you still need to tell me your "jersey" size.

Update:
Last night me and this kid Mike went out to try and get beer but we're both twenty, so when we got the gas station we chickened out...then we heard a group of voices nerby and followed the sound. We climbed up a fire escape and into an apartment where we found some assholes and a keg, so we filled up this huge plastic bottle, grabbed some Corrs Lights out of the fridge and ran. Flawless execution!

Update:
I went by Ozone yesterday cuz I wanted to try and catch you and TWIZTED was signing autographs and I didn't want to go in because it was freaky and kids were blowing up shit in the parking lot.. But I went in and it was fun.. A lot of yelling shit like "BECAUSE WE'RE FUCKING EVERYWHERE!" and "I LIKE CHEESE ON MY HAMBURGER!" I had a good time.. I think your co workers were primed to cry a river of tears.. Anyway..

CONCERNING:

do you mean, through the door with that ass?